Shortly after the election of 2016, I had a complete nervous breakdown—a total panic attack.
I felt fear for our country, fear for our planet, fear for minority populations and anyone who did not fit the definition of acceptable human being under what I now saw as patriarchy’s rule.
For about 15 minutes, my body shook and sweat, I couldn’t breathe. I was lightheaded, ungrounded. I was panicked. I’d never before reacted to an election this way, but this one seemed negatively consequential in ways that my imagination was already conjuring up. I won’t write them here, for it gives them too much power, but I can put it this way: watching The Handmaid’s Tale, or reading George Orwell’s 1984, became very embodied experiences for me, where what largely took over my body was fear.
I am lucky to have a lot of spiritual support in my life.
I took my fears to someone I trust, who, over a few weeks, helped me convert my fear into motivated action. But what could I, just a woman with no political connections, do to help?
Well, I could write. And so I did.
I began with a blog about how I made Inauguration Day a morning-to-night day of self-care, rather than a day of dread. Then I waded deeper, writing blogs about the importance of truth and how to find it, blogs about how to stay savvy on the web and avoid propaganda.
After Charlottesville…happened, I wrote about the danger of the neo-Nazi movement while offering a way to stay in hope. After the Las Vegas shooting, I wrote about the gun problem in our country.
Writing about these subjects was difficult for me, brought me into multiple on-line arguments, after which I made myself a set of rules around when and how I would engage people online. I raised my bar for dialogue. I wrote about the importance of intuition, I wrote about #MeToo, I offered Ayurvedic tips for our country to move through our extremely Vata imbalances, and, at the end of the year, I finished with an essay listing the 2017 Top Villains, Disappointments and Heroes.
2017 became a year of immersion in politics and politicians, media and media figures. I learned a lot, and, hopefully, I offered a lot to the conversations that matter. I know it wasn’t what you, the reader, always wanted to read about. But I needed to do something with my fears and concerns. I chose to convert them into written action and courage, which gratefully kept me from having any more panic attacks.
But, all this muddy earth realm work took a toll on my energy and vibration. Watching and studying the president’s tweet’s–which I also wrote about–drained my spiritual battery, and the whole landscape of American politics pulled me out of the magic of the soul, which is the greatest passion for me and my journey.
And so, this same wise spiritual teacher who last year led me out of my panic attack, recently led me back to the realm and words of soul.
How perfect that I would’ve received my feedback from my editor at this time about my book, which is a book about becoming the human my soul wants me to be, so I have the canvas upon which to play. I’m shifting my energy back into the things that raise my energy up and feed my spiritual self.
I’m choosing to be happier, freer, and more connected to the greater movement and evolution of humanity rather than this one particular moment in time. I’m writing about creativity again, and how to listen to the voice of soul. I’m writing about imagination again. I’m writing about karma, and reincarnation, and past lives, and spiritual growth again. 2018, for me, will be the year where I move from the realm of short-term politics into the realm of eternal space and time—back into a space of hope and lightness, joy and laughter.
I still worry about all the same people and things I was worried about last year. I will still follow along, and add my voice into the political arena when and where necessary. But raising my vibration once again will counter the negativity of politics, in a way that is as good or even better than my year of writing about it straight on.
If this year, I find my body sweating, shaking, or if I feel lightheaded and ungrounded, it will be because I’m dancing with bliss, not paralyzed with fear.
To start the dancing off, I made myself a music play list. On it is this Elton John tune, which feels right about now, because my bitchin’ soul is back.